[essay] Time to bitch about Ryner again
Mar. 10th, 2011 10:05 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
stigmateyesSoooo Ryner was stabilizing fairly well before traumagame. He was ready to take some responsibilities and stop being a lazy bum. Then DEATH AND DESTRUCTION happened and Ryner has taken a serious blow to his zen. This plays out in several flavors, depending how people react to him. But before I go into that, I want to talk about Ryner and zen because it's complicated.
As I've said before, those who bear Alpha Stigma are driven toward balance. This gives them a touch of idealism, simply because a happy world is fairly balanced. To put quite simply, KILLING of any form is seen as utterly pointless to Ryner. He may tolerate fighting, although he doesn't like it and would rather stay out of it himself. But he will interfere time and time again when killing is on the table. This is also why Ryner is so violently against people who talk to him about how they would rather die. Not because Ryner particularly cares about them but because Ryner knows death always hurts others, and that upsets the balance. And Ryner wants to make damn sure they know it. Sides don't matter to Ryner either because the balance means neutrality. The sinner and the victim, they hold equal value to him. (This is not necessarily as true for non!amnesia Ryner when it comes to non-fatal fighting as it is to more idealistic amnesia!Ryner.) But yeah, Ryner's stance on the sanctity of life is one thing he does lose his general lax attitude around. Killing will always be stupid and unnecessary. This is his basic nature as an Alpha Stigma bearer.
In addition, to this, Ryner is neither innocent or naive. He knows people kill and he knows people die. In Aather, he is fairly convinced he killed his three friends in his memory during one of his berserker states. He is idealistic, yes, but he is not blind to the fact that people around him aren't. Does this make him interfere? Hell to the yes. See above paragraph about balance and stance on killing.
Enter Alpha Stigma berserker issues. So, to Ryner his team represents people who are responsible for each other. Failing them so completely by not being able to react quickly enough to save them (in his opinion) is what drove him over the edge. Alpha Stigma's berserker form is brought on by severe emotional trauma. So no, it's not limited to just death, but death is a good catalyst if it's extreme. Alpha Stigma is especially dangerous because it invokes Alpha, who pretty much just wants to destroy everything he touches. Alpha carries no agenda or preference. He just wants death or as he puts it, to break everything apart. Alpha in a way is the flip-side of balance, the urge to return everything to the blank slate. And Alpha will destroy until Ryner forces back control or someone takes Ryner out.
Ryner is not aware of most of this, just that he is dangerously unstable and quite likely a murderer. Not a murderer by default but a hands-on "kill you with my bare hands or my magic" murderer. Needless to say, it's hard for a pacifist to deal with. Ryner's instinctive reaction is to run, distance himself from people as much as he can or lock himself away where he can't hurt anyone. But Ferris and Sion cock-blocked him, more or less forcing him into staying with his promise to be Ferris' slave and with Sion convincing him that isolation would just be an even worse burden on Sion than having to deal with him. This is a decision that Ryner struggles with because he is unsure if the need of two people should outweigh the obvious danger he poses to his team. To everyone really.
As he's struggling with this decision and trying to figure out WTF is wrong with him, he runs into two situations that slam him hard against the wall of his issues. The first being Suzaku. At first, Ryner wonders whether he and Suzaku are possibly suffering from the same influence, which could be something that could be tempered. Learning that is not the case is a crushing blow but worse is hearing the flip-side: that Suzaku wants to give up. Unsure if he can save himself, Ryner instinctively empathizes with Suzaku and very much wants to see Suzaku get through this, if any of them can. Add to that, Ryner's knowledge of Cass' attachment to Suzaku. Ryner hates burdening others above all else; he hates anything that makes others suffer. Because again, Ryner's nature calls for balance. So this plays out both in the need to convey that to Suzaku and the frustration of seeing someone so willing to give up. The idea of someone being in the same situation as Ryner messes him up badly.
Then there's Asuka. Ryner actually respects Asuka as someone who wants to prove herself so it's a particular blow to hear that she thinks it's kinder for people to die than to have to keep going through the games. Her mentality actually unsettles him enough for his more blunt analytical side to come out. Again, death = waste to Ryner. Balance. Ryner might actually want to get through to Asuka even more than Suzaku because Asuka is younger and seems to so badly want to be strong.
Back to his coping methods, Ryner actually does best with people who keep him busy. This is why Ferris has such an advantage with her dragging him around and beating him. He doesn't want to bother her with his emotional uncertainty. With Sion, Ryner has an actual task: making sure Sion doesn't overdo it. With Ahiru, Ryner wants to help her deal with not being able to reach anyone the way she wants. These are all good because Ryner's alternative method is detachment and numbness. Thankfully, Ryner has not gained back his ability to numb entirely yet, as that's connected with a life of suck and no other way to cope with it. So Ryner's attempts at numbness are more fail than they would normally be.
The bad side to this is Ryner can't help his team when he's in state of self-doubt and floundering badly in attempts to help them deal with what happened in the traumagame. Case in point, he's pretty damn sure from his talk with Break that Break is handling what happened with Suzaku and Sugata badly, but he is not capable of dealing with it right now. This is an especially iffy problem since Ryner has connection issues to begin with. He's very casual by nature and takes a lot to attach to anyone. People who break through this neutrality tend to be ones who push him hard.
As far as where Ryner is AT PRESENT... he's doing slightly better because he has made the knights aware of the situation through Mithos. And Mithos has offered some method of sensing the shift to the dangerous side of himself. He still thinks he's a risk. He still doesn't like that he's probably burdening others by both the risk and having to tell them, especially his team. But... he has something, and that's important to him.
Overall, Ryner is unsure at the moment and just trying to keep it together for the people he's responsible for. It also doesn't help that his dreams are now plagued by Alpha's cruel voice and images of glowing red eyes. Alpha is very displeased at being denied his offering of blood this round and will be more keen on getting it next time.
Super lazy non-team relationship chart:
Charity: Ryner loev duckling and wants to help her realize her dream
Sion: Ryner thinks he's weird and a workaholic, but he cares about him and worries
Ariel: Ryner likes her a lot but he is fully aware there's a dangerous side to her; he wants to see her happy
Silk Cat: Ryner generally likes her and enjoys her company a lot. She's sane.
Fallout: Ryner admires her tenacity and generally likes her
Spring: Ryner adores her bright personality
Hunter: Ryner can't help but like the guy who always seems to take things in stride
Souya: Ryner likes and thinks is a good knight but he thinks he also overdoes himself and takes dumb risks
Zack: Ryner trusts the most among the knights and generally considers a good person
Faith: Ryner respects the most among the knights and also worries about how much he has to handle
Blondie: Ryner thinks she's too gullible under Sion but she also has this sincere side that really gets to him
lol Ryner hangs out with so many girls.
Team-wise, Ryner probably connects the most with Break but that's mostly because Ryner really wants to understand the way Break thinks. Ever the analyst is the Ryner. With Sugata, it is a mixture of "man that kid does too much" and "well he seems to take to it naturally" so Ryner is undecided about stepping in, especially after what happened last game. Protip: Ryner regrets none of the choices made in that game; he only regrets the results. Ryner likes Misato, but he worries about how much he should push her to talk about things some times and would rather just let her do her facade thing around him. He doesn't have a reason not to yet. Gale, Ryner just finds adorable.
Well, that was all madness. Let me know if you have any questions. |D;;
As I've said before, those who bear Alpha Stigma are driven toward balance. This gives them a touch of idealism, simply because a happy world is fairly balanced. To put quite simply, KILLING of any form is seen as utterly pointless to Ryner. He may tolerate fighting, although he doesn't like it and would rather stay out of it himself. But he will interfere time and time again when killing is on the table. This is also why Ryner is so violently against people who talk to him about how they would rather die. Not because Ryner particularly cares about them but because Ryner knows death always hurts others, and that upsets the balance. And Ryner wants to make damn sure they know it. Sides don't matter to Ryner either because the balance means neutrality. The sinner and the victim, they hold equal value to him. (This is not necessarily as true for non!amnesia Ryner when it comes to non-fatal fighting as it is to more idealistic amnesia!Ryner.) But yeah, Ryner's stance on the sanctity of life is one thing he does lose his general lax attitude around. Killing will always be stupid and unnecessary. This is his basic nature as an Alpha Stigma bearer.
In addition, to this, Ryner is neither innocent or naive. He knows people kill and he knows people die. In Aather, he is fairly convinced he killed his three friends in his memory during one of his berserker states. He is idealistic, yes, but he is not blind to the fact that people around him aren't. Does this make him interfere? Hell to the yes. See above paragraph about balance and stance on killing.
Enter Alpha Stigma berserker issues. So, to Ryner his team represents people who are responsible for each other. Failing them so completely by not being able to react quickly enough to save them (in his opinion) is what drove him over the edge. Alpha Stigma's berserker form is brought on by severe emotional trauma. So no, it's not limited to just death, but death is a good catalyst if it's extreme. Alpha Stigma is especially dangerous because it invokes Alpha, who pretty much just wants to destroy everything he touches. Alpha carries no agenda or preference. He just wants death or as he puts it, to break everything apart. Alpha in a way is the flip-side of balance, the urge to return everything to the blank slate. And Alpha will destroy until Ryner forces back control or someone takes Ryner out.
Ryner is not aware of most of this, just that he is dangerously unstable and quite likely a murderer. Not a murderer by default but a hands-on "kill you with my bare hands or my magic" murderer. Needless to say, it's hard for a pacifist to deal with. Ryner's instinctive reaction is to run, distance himself from people as much as he can or lock himself away where he can't hurt anyone. But Ferris and Sion cock-blocked him, more or less forcing him into staying with his promise to be Ferris' slave and with Sion convincing him that isolation would just be an even worse burden on Sion than having to deal with him. This is a decision that Ryner struggles with because he is unsure if the need of two people should outweigh the obvious danger he poses to his team. To everyone really.
As he's struggling with this decision and trying to figure out WTF is wrong with him, he runs into two situations that slam him hard against the wall of his issues. The first being Suzaku. At first, Ryner wonders whether he and Suzaku are possibly suffering from the same influence, which could be something that could be tempered. Learning that is not the case is a crushing blow but worse is hearing the flip-side: that Suzaku wants to give up. Unsure if he can save himself, Ryner instinctively empathizes with Suzaku and very much wants to see Suzaku get through this, if any of them can. Add to that, Ryner's knowledge of Cass' attachment to Suzaku. Ryner hates burdening others above all else; he hates anything that makes others suffer. Because again, Ryner's nature calls for balance. So this plays out both in the need to convey that to Suzaku and the frustration of seeing someone so willing to give up. The idea of someone being in the same situation as Ryner messes him up badly.
Then there's Asuka. Ryner actually respects Asuka as someone who wants to prove herself so it's a particular blow to hear that she thinks it's kinder for people to die than to have to keep going through the games. Her mentality actually unsettles him enough for his more blunt analytical side to come out. Again, death = waste to Ryner. Balance. Ryner might actually want to get through to Asuka even more than Suzaku because Asuka is younger and seems to so badly want to be strong.
Back to his coping methods, Ryner actually does best with people who keep him busy. This is why Ferris has such an advantage with her dragging him around and beating him. He doesn't want to bother her with his emotional uncertainty. With Sion, Ryner has an actual task: making sure Sion doesn't overdo it. With Ahiru, Ryner wants to help her deal with not being able to reach anyone the way she wants. These are all good because Ryner's alternative method is detachment and numbness. Thankfully, Ryner has not gained back his ability to numb entirely yet, as that's connected with a life of suck and no other way to cope with it. So Ryner's attempts at numbness are more fail than they would normally be.
The bad side to this is Ryner can't help his team when he's in state of self-doubt and floundering badly in attempts to help them deal with what happened in the traumagame. Case in point, he's pretty damn sure from his talk with Break that Break is handling what happened with Suzaku and Sugata badly, but he is not capable of dealing with it right now. This is an especially iffy problem since Ryner has connection issues to begin with. He's very casual by nature and takes a lot to attach to anyone. People who break through this neutrality tend to be ones who push him hard.
As far as where Ryner is AT PRESENT... he's doing slightly better because he has made the knights aware of the situation through Mithos. And Mithos has offered some method of sensing the shift to the dangerous side of himself. He still thinks he's a risk. He still doesn't like that he's probably burdening others by both the risk and having to tell them, especially his team. But... he has something, and that's important to him.
Overall, Ryner is unsure at the moment and just trying to keep it together for the people he's responsible for. It also doesn't help that his dreams are now plagued by Alpha's cruel voice and images of glowing red eyes. Alpha is very displeased at being denied his offering of blood this round and will be more keen on getting it next time.
Super lazy non-team relationship chart:
Charity: Ryner loev duckling and wants to help her realize her dream
Sion: Ryner thinks he's weird and a workaholic, but he cares about him and worries
Ariel: Ryner likes her a lot but he is fully aware there's a dangerous side to her; he wants to see her happy
Silk Cat: Ryner generally likes her and enjoys her company a lot. She's sane.
Fallout: Ryner admires her tenacity and generally likes her
Spring: Ryner adores her bright personality
Hunter: Ryner can't help but like the guy who always seems to take things in stride
Souya: Ryner likes and thinks is a good knight but he thinks he also overdoes himself and takes dumb risks
Zack: Ryner trusts the most among the knights and generally considers a good person
Faith: Ryner respects the most among the knights and also worries about how much he has to handle
Blondie: Ryner thinks she's too gullible under Sion but she also has this sincere side that really gets to him
lol Ryner hangs out with so many girls.
Team-wise, Ryner probably connects the most with Break but that's mostly because Ryner really wants to understand the way Break thinks. Ever the analyst is the Ryner. With Sugata, it is a mixture of "man that kid does too much" and "well he seems to take to it naturally" so Ryner is undecided about stepping in, especially after what happened last game. Protip: Ryner regrets none of the choices made in that game; he only regrets the results. Ryner likes Misato, but he worries about how much he should push her to talk about things some times and would rather just let her do her facade thing around him. He doesn't have a reason not to yet. Gale, Ryner just finds adorable.
Well, that was all madness. Let me know if you have any questions. |D;;
no subject
Date: 2011-03-11 04:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-11 04:53 am (UTC)Don't worry! No matter how harshly the winds of society may blow against you two, BE HAPPY~~~~~!!!
no subject
Date: 2011-03-11 04:54 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-11 04:57 am (UTC)JSYK I desperately want to use that Bed Intruder song reference ICly. Be glad she hasn't gotten her lying/acting back. 8|
no subject
Date: 2011-03-11 05:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-11 05:24 am (UTC)